This post is only for satirical purposes and bring some smile to the people's faces in these darkest hours.
We love pandemics, don’t we? Or at least we did, when they were limited only to the movies. Like T-virus in Resident Evil, or some virus in the film in Contagion. now we are facing Novel Coronavirus which is highly contagious, that allegedly originated in China. And the virus seems pretty racist, as it made Dracula in Wallachia, Batman in Gotham, but in Asia, it creates a plague? And the plague that directly kills. WTF dude?
And of course, many people favor the virus, fatalists and apocalypses for instance, but even among them, there are some debates. Some are saying that it should have been a zombie virus instead of Coronavirus, playing the starring role in the current pandemic. Here are the 5 reasons why we need zombie-virus rather than Novel Coronavirus.
1: Turns you into zombie instead of a corpse
We all know what happens when you are infected with COVID-19. It makes your throat its home. It starts consuming your flesh and decomposing your cells, and when the work is done here, it moves to your lungs. Which leads you to have flu, cough, fever, and eventually to become a corpse. However, zombie-virus cares about you. It does not kill you but makes you stronger. It turns you into a zombie and you almost become an immortal, unless you get a headshot by a zombie hunter.
2: Zombie-Virus infection is completely painless
One of the good things about zombie-virus or T-Virus from Resident Evil is that it does not hurt. It makes your body completely immune to any kind of pain. It makes you brain-dead, and a wise man once said:
“No brain, no pain.”
Probably Batman said that.
3: Zombie-Virus takes away your fears and worries
Look at the world, how it’s going crazy. People are fighting each other over masks and sanitizers. The economies are falling down. The fear is everywhere, people in quarantined cities are losing their minds.
However, when you are a zombie, it’s a hypothetical, yet universal fact that you are brain-dead. And again, “No brain, no pain.” Being a zombie takes away all the pain, worries, fears and stress.
4: Only one way of transfer
You have no idea how coronavirus is going to spread and transfer from one to another. It could be a sneeze, a cough, a touch, and you have no idea who is infected or not. You don’t even know if you have gotten it until it is too late.
The zombie virus will never keep you in the dark. You will know the person infected in a single site. And there is only one way it can transfer to you, a bite. So if you don’t want to get infected, all you have to do is stay away from zombies, and definitely from their bites.
Now the last, but not the least, not even closely the least, let’s talk about unity. We were already at each other’s throats, having a lot of distances. And Coronavirus is separating us even more.
Zombie virus can give you what no one in the centuries ever could give you, Unity. Zombies always live as a united nation, they look the same, they behave the same, they make the same voices. They have no differences. They always attack in hordes. Have you ever seen a zombie alone?